How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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