So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
