May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
