So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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