...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
