you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize