I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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