I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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