his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
