I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
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I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
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Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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