it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
