I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some magic done to my vagina
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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