his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
