Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
