im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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