some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
