so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
