So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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