i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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