Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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