I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
