He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
