I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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