What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
