so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
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Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
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In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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