It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
