Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
