So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i need some magic done to my vagina
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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