If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
