oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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