And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
