He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
