...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ladies don't puke and tell
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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