NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So vagazzling was a success
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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