2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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