Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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