I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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