Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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