He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
