the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
