when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
