I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
