you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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