I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't deserve a penis
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
