are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
