whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
