3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
