my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
