Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i already hear my dad disowning me
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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