i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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