Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
