i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
