i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
A+ Viking dick
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
