Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize