New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
