I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize