Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
