she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
