Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
