evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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