I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
