I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
