We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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