I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
