we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I will pee on everything he values.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
