No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed