If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i dont even know how to be here
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.