im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Terrible idea I love it
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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