just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
