So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
