i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
